This made my day!

My Midnight Delight

It's 12:24AM. Both my boys are asleep, and I'm sitting on my couch in the family room enjoying a minute to myself. I should be finishing my paper, but instead I'm watching Kate & Leopold and eating what I'm pretty sure is way more than a serving of Caramel Delight Slow Churned Ice Cream (you have to say the full name in order to get the salivating effect).
As I'm sitting here not thinking about the amount of calories I'm consuming right before I go to bed I look at my house. I spent 3 hours cleaning yesterday, and somehow today it's in worse shape than it was yesterday. How that happens I don't know. I'm doing my best not to let it overwhelm me. Good thing I can ignore it with this heavenly Caramel Delight Slow Churned Ice Cream.
This week has been an intense week and today has been a bittersweet day. I am taking 7 classes right now. 7. I'm so glad that my teachers all feel that they are the most important and the only class we should focus on. How do they know that I have no life and live to do their bidding? Lucky for them I'm flexible enough that bending over backwards in order to do everything they ask is super easy for me! Bless them.
I sat in all of my classes this week writing furiously in my planner everything that I needed to get done this weekend just to keep my head above water. After the first day I drove home and just burst into tears thinking about it all. Hey you wanted honesty, 12:30am is the most honest me you're going to get. It's interesting how ice cream and sleep deprivation can bring out the dark side isn't it?
On top of that Boston hasn't been eating well lately. At his 4 month appointment he was 13 pounds and he's supposed to be around 16. He's only gained a pound since his last check up. Come to find out my milk is drying up. I've been doing everything I can to keep it going. I'm drinking water like crazy, I have been trying to sleep more, I've been pumping, and I even bought that milk herbal stuff "More Milk Plus". It's absolutely horrid stuff by the way. I was still having to supplement with a bottle after each feeding. (On the up side because Boston has been having formula at night he's been sleeping a little better.) I really wanted to keep nursing him especially since it's supposed to be a bad flu season this year. I decided to ask Chris for a blessing. He gave one to me and I would like to say that it said that I would be able to continue nursing like I want, however, it didn't. He told me in the blessing that unfortunately right now with the stresses of school and everything I have to do I wouldn't be able to produce enough milk for Boston. He said to keep nursing to the best of my abilities but that giving Boston a bottle would be needed as well.
For me that was a sad moment. I have really enjoyed nursing and didn't want to stop. At the same time I felt like I could give him a bottle of formula finally and not feel so guilty about it.
And since we're being completely open and honest I may as well spit this next part out. I have gained 60 pounds in the last two and a half years. Yeah sure I had a baby, but about 55 of that 60 was already in place (namely hips, stomach, thighs, and wiggly under arms) before I even got pregnant. Now it's just complimented by stretch marks and saggy breasts and skin. I know I know WAY TOO MUCH information right? lol. Chris still loves me and Boston doesn't care, but it's something that I really care about. I keep saying that I'm going to do something about it...and then I sit down and eat ice cream at 12:30 in the morning.
Well I know I owe you an up beat post about California, and I'll get there. I just needed to vent for a minute and send all of this out there to the 12:30 am world. It feels good to just let it go. Maybe tomorrow I'll realize how ridiculous and semi-depressing this post is and delete it...or maybe I'll keep it.
Just to make sure that you all know that I'm really not completely down on life I wanted to let you know that I have also received some tremendous personal blessings and great experiences that have strengthened my testimony that Heavenly Father is there for us when we feel like we are alone or at our wits end. He is a constant friend and there for us when we have those 12:30 Am moments and just need to get things off of our chest. We can each have a very individual and sweet relationship with Him. After all, Look at all of the many things that He has given me to keep me smiling and pushing forward through the exhaustion. A beautiful baby boy, a wonderful husband, blessings I probably don't deserve, answers to prayers, and this marvelous Caramel Delight Slow Churned Ice Cream.

Little Man

Just to tide you over until I can make a post. Here's a picture of my cute little man that Chris took. (Chris is giving me crap because I'm blogging and not studying so I have to make this fast.)A post is coming, I mean we went to CA, school started, Chris swam with a shark...ha! Now I've got you dying for more. Well you'll just have to wait until this weekend...or when I finish my three massive reading and projects due by tuesday! :)