Tender Mercy

I know a lot of you are wanting details and pictures of our little Madison, and I promise I will get that up here asap. I don't have a way to post pics right now, but I will as soon as I can. This is a longer post, so settle in if you're really wanting to read it. :)

I wanted to share how my labor and delivery was really a tender mercy from Heavenly Father and reminded me of how, just like a loving parent, He does what He can to bring us happiness and let us know He loves us.

Many of you know I had a c-section with Boston. Click here if you want the whole story for him, but if you don't want to read that basically the doctor told me that after 13 hours of labor it was clear that I would not be able to have him naturally because my pelvis is angled smaller than normal and he wouldn't fit.

This time around I was really worried about having a c-section with Boston around. The healing process after my first c-section was absolutely awful. It's not something that I really looked forward to having to go through again, especially with a toddler who loved to use me as a jungle gym.

As my due date grew closer I became a little worried about labor and what it would bring. I really wanted to do a VBAC, but was uncertain I would be able to do it. Also, at least with a c-section I knew what I was getting into. As I started going to my weekly doctor's appointments and found I wasn't dilating at all I wrestled with the idea of what to do. I went back and forth on whether to schedule my c-section, or wait to see if I would go into labor. But if I waited, I ran the risk of Chris being in Paris when the big moment came. Because I had a previous c-section they couldn't enduce my labor or do anything to help me along. It was all up to me if I wanted to do a VBAC. In the end I decided to schedule the c-section for the 13th and was for the most part ok with the idea since it seemed like my body wasn't doing anything. After my last appointment and finding that I was still at a Zero I burst into tears and called Chris. I was so frustrated. I told Chris that nothing was happening and that I had given up my hopes of a VBAC. He reminded me that Heavenly Father could help me go into Labor if I asked Him, and I, being discouraged, said something along the lines of "I doubt it." To which he replied, "Well, I guess you don't have enough faith." That hit me. I really hadn't even asked.

I decided I needed to take my worries to Heavenly Father. I knew He knew whether or not it was possible for me to have kids naturally or not. I asked Him to help me go into labor early if it was possible for me to have kids naturally. I really didn't want to go to the hospital, have a c-section and always wonder if I would have been able to have kids the same way as everybody else if I had just waited for my body to go into labor. I wanted so badly for just the chance to have the baby vaginally. I also felt like if I went into labor and needed a c-section anyway, then I would know that it would never be possible for me to have kids without a c-section. (I hope this is making sense). I was constantly praying and asking Heavenly Father for the chance to go into labor. I also knew that whatever happened was supposed to happen and it was in the Lord's hands.

On saturday night Chris and I went out on our traditional last date before baby. We joked that the last date sent me into labor with Boston and, even though I still had 10 days before I was due, maybe it would work again. We went to dinner, picked out trees for our yard, then went to Transformers 3 (long, but better than I thought).

At 4:30 am I woke up to Boston calling for me. I decided to go to the bathroom before I went in to lay down with him. While in the bathroom I felt something weird and thought maybe my bladder was just acting up. I figured it was probably nothing and began washing my hands when it felt like I wet my pants a little. I began to wonder if my water had broke. I sent Mary in with Boston and, after some research, decided to wake Chris up and go to the hospital to see if my water had broke. We packed a hospital bag and left. I was still barely leaking and figured since I wasn't having contractions we would probably get sent home with the "You just have a weak bladder" explanation for the leaking.

We got to the hospital and as soon as I stepped out of the car water went gushing down my legs. My water was definitely broken. The confirmed it, and said I was still at a 0. I told them I would like to try a VBAC and they told me it was going to be a long day. They continued to check me through out the morning only to discover that she wasn't dropping at all so I wasn't dilating. At one point the nurse came in and said "How are you doing with your contractions?" I looked at her and said, "I'm not having any." She looked at the monitor and said "You're actually having one right now." They moved me into a more suitable "laboring postition" and left me.

Around 8:40am we figured nothing was going to happen for a while, I was still at a zero, and Chris left to get something to eat. Not 5 minutes later the Nurse and the doctor came in and the doctor said "How are you doing with your contractions?" I said "I think I felt something about 15 minutes ago" He and the nurse looked at me and said "well you're actually having contractions every 3-4 minutes. The fact that you're not feeling them at all is telling us they're not working and this isn't going to happen. What do you say we just get this done and have this baby right now by c-section." Now, many women probably would be disappointed to hear that, but at this point I knew that this was as much as my body could do, and that she would never drop.

Heavenly Father had answered my prayers. He let me go into labor and learn for myself that having my babies naturally would never really be an option for me. My body just can't do it. I was at complete peace with having a c-section, and was so grateful that I had had the chance to experience my water breaking.

Since Chris was gone, we set the surgery for 9:30 am. He had left his cell phone so there was no way to get a hold of him. I sat watching the clock as time ticked away. Finally, at 9:15 am Chris came strolling in with a big burrito from Beto's only to discover I was about to leave to get prepped and he had only a few minutes to eat and get in the operating room. He shoved the burrito in his mouth and quickly got changed. They did a spinal tap on me and began a few minutes before he walked in the door.

The moment I heard her cry my heart filled with so much love, and I couldn't help but smile. She is a very special little girl, and we're blessed to have her a part of out family.

Because I didn't labor relly at all this c-section has been a million times better than my first. I feel great! Really! The hardest part so far has been finding the right pain meds to put me on. I had a bad reaction to the first two, and was itching like crazy the first 36 hours. I felt like I wanted to rip my skin off. Nothing could touch and I barely was able to stand even holding her to nurse. The anesthegiologist and the charge nurse finally figure out the problem and switched my meds. Since then I have felt fantastic!

Madi is doing amazing!She was born at 8 pounds 9 oz and was 19 inches. She's got light brown hair with a hint of red and is beautiful! The first day she looked so much like Boston that i had a hard time calling her "she" or "her" because, to me, it was Boston all over again. As the days passed she came into her own, and while she still looks like her brother, she has taken on a look all her own. She is sweet, and calm, but super impatient. When she's ready to eat, she wanted it 5 minutes ago. lol.

We are all completly in love with her. Especially Boston! Whew! He absolutely adores her and is so gentle and sweet with her. He loves to show her his favorite toys and play cars with her. He will put one of his favorite cars in her hand so she can hold it and then he'll drive his car around her and show her what to do.

Looking back on the whole thing I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father. He knows me so well, and really does what He can to answer my prayers. Even if the things I'm wanting and hoping for really don't matter in the long run, like having a c-section verses VBAC, He knows that they matter to me, and does what He can to help me out. He has blessed me with an incredible husband, and two amazing spirits for my children. He really is a loving parent who wants to do what He can for his Children, and will. I know He hears our prayers, no matter how ridiculous, and loves us more than we know. I love my Heavenly Father, and am so thankful for the tender mercies He is constantly giving me.