Girl Trapped & Some deep stuff.

Well, if you haven't heard the news, we found out we are having another GIRL today! So Boston will be out numbered. He will be surrounded by pink, and princesses and sparkly things. But if anybody can hold their own in the middle of all that girlyness it's Boston.

This little girl gave us the clearest shot I've ever seen at her gender. Even before the Doctor said it was a girl, we both knew/saw she was clearly a girl. lol. We are both excited. Chris said he's so glad Boston came first, but that he's going to have more of a balance than what he grew up with (6 boys and one girl for 18 years, then one more girl). He did say that we'd better have #4 be a boy or I'm going to make him keep going until we get another boy, and before we know it we'll end up with 6 kids.

Honestly I'm relieved and soaking it in. I've had so many emotions going into this. First, it seems like I know quite a few people who have had babies with health problems lately and for some reason I was so worried about that. Not to say that it's not a possibility still, but so far everything looks good. I was more worried about finding out if something was wrong than finding out what the gender was.

The other thing I'm soaking in really feels like it's been two years in the making. It goes back to the day I had Maddie. I remember with in hours of having her I knew without a doubt I was supposed to have another baby and that it was going to be a girl. I remember telling Chris, and he just said "No, you just had a baby. Let's not talk about another one." Then month after month I knew there was another little spirit who was just dying to get down here, but Chris was not even close to ready so I started praying that Heavenly Father would help him be ready by the time it was time. When Maddie was around 8 months or so I had a surprise pregnancy, but miscarried. Then a couple months later Chris knew what I had known for a while, that it was time to have another baby. I got pregnant again, and quickly miscarried. I was so confused because I knew that there was a baby that was supposed to come to our family. Then I started to wonder if maybe that little girl wasn't going to be coming to our family anymore.

Then when I found out I was pregnant again I completely disconnected from the pregnancy. I was just waiting to miscarry again. When I didn't and we started to tell people, I always felt like I had to semi-lie when I got asked the question "Are you excited?" The truth is part of me wanted to be excited, but most of me was still just waiting for the crushing disappointment of miscarrying again. So I put up an emotional wall in between me and the baby. I felt like I was lying each time I told somebody that I was excited. Then as time passed, and I got farther and farther along I let myself be excited a little, but was still really worried that even today we would go in and there would be no heartbeat.

And when I started getting the question of what I thought I was having I honestly didn't know. Part of me wanted so badly to believe that it was a girl, the same girl that I had felt wanted to come to our family for so long, but I felt like if I said it out loud and then found out it was a boy I would be so sad that the little girl I knew I was going to have might not come to us. So I started believing I was having a boy. That way if it was a boy I would really happy about it instead of disappointed/sad. I'm guessing most of this doesn't make sense to anybody else, but I'm trying to make sense of it all in my own head.

When I realized we were having a girl, I almost started crying. I didn't, but almost. And now, I'm just trying to let it all sink in. I feel like I had trying to push off what I was had been hoping for, and now I'm trying to let those walls down and believe that it's happening.  I'm pretty sure that this is the same little girl that we've been trying to get here for over a year now, and she's the same little girl who has been anxiously waiting her turn since the day her sister was born. I've been so looking forward to meeting her, and now I'm having a hard time believing it's actually going to happen when for so long I was worried I lost her.

Now I feel like I get to focus on much happier things like what colors her baby blanket and nursery will be. What it's going to be like having two girls so close in age as teenagers (Uh-oh) and what a fitting name will be for this little spirit who has been patiently waiting to come to our family. Boston said Ice  a few days ago, but now is saying her name is Avery, which is on the list of names we like. We'll see. Until a few hours ago I hadn't put much thought into it, but now I feel like I'm allowed to believe this is real, and actually safe to be excited about it.

So there is the deep stuff I warned you about in the title. If it doesn't make any sense to you, it does to me. I wanted to write it down right now, and then later on I can add it to my personal journal with some clarifying thoughts.

I'm just so thankful to be a mom, and all the blessings that come along with it.

Success!!!! (I'm beyond thrilled tonight!)

Boston had a MAJOR breakthrough/accomplishment today. He went Messy on the potty!!!!! This was a huge moment for our family! He was so proud he said "Mom, I did it, and it wasn't that hard! Mom, we should tell Mary and Destin (My siblings on missions). I want to draw them a picture of it for them!" Chris and Laughed at what this picture might look like, but I told them that I'd write them in their emails tonight. :) lol. 

While Chris was in London a couple weeks ago I took Boston to Toys R Us and let him pick anything he wanted but told him he couldn't play with it until he went messy in the potty for a full week. He picked a toy he's been talking about for two years. He calls it the biggest lightning McQueen. It's a $70 remote control car that apparently can talk and literally will move his eyes and mouth. Luckily for me it was on sale for $45, so I said ok. I figured if we can get him out of pull ups it would be worth it. So we bought it, took it home and set it high on a shelf in our family room where it just sat. Boston tried sitting on the potty once. But that was it, one time. He obviously wasn't motivated enough to really try and earn this toy that he had been talking about for two years. 

What happened was a couple days ago I finished changing a messy pull up and just blurted out "Boston, you're too big to be messing in a diaper, and so because I know you know better, I'm going to take away your biggest Lightning McQueen. And every day after that  that you go messy in your pull up I'm going to take away one of your toys. And for every day you go messy in the potty you can pick a toy out of toy jail" Well Boston started realizing what that meant and started crying and got very worried. He asked through tears "And you're going to take away my Hulk?" 

"Yes"

"And you're going to take away my spiderman? and Dolly? And puppy? and Blanket?" 

"Yup, I will"

"And you're going to take away my hand?"

"What? No, I won't take away your hand."

"And you're going to take away Maddie?"

"No I won't take away Maddie."

"And you're going to take away my house?"

"No I won't"

"And My food and chocolate milk?"

"Boston, I promise I won't take away any family members, your house, or food, I won't take away your milk, but I will take away the chocolate to make the chocolate milk. I'm only taking away your toys. But if you go messy on the potty I won't have to take away any more toys, and you'll be able to get your biggest lightning McQueen out of toy jail." 

Fast forward three days, (today) and he hadn't gone messy at all. Not in a pull up, not in the potty. He had been holding it. So today at mom and dad's house I noticed he started doing a bit of a potty dance and asked him if he needed to go. He answered no, and kept dancing. Then he came up to me and said it was getting dark outside and he needed a pull up. I reminded him that if I put a pull up on him and he went messy in it I was going to take away his Hulk. That's all it took. He thought about it for maybe three seconds and said "mommy, I need to go potty, I think the messy wants to come!" So i jumped up and took him into the bathroom where I sat with him and talked him through what was happening. He started to panic a couple times, but quickly saw it wasn't too bad. When he finished I showed him how to wipe and then he wanted to see his accomplishment. When he saw his messy in the toilet, he was beaming with pride! He kept saying it wasn't too hard or scary and that he could do that again. Then we got to take his lightning mcqueen out of toy jail. It was a great night for him, and for Chris and I. We are hoping this is the beginning of the end of two kids in diapers...at least until August. :) 

Oh Life

Life has been nuts these last few days. Maddie has suddenly decided to get an attitude about everything. She is also finding new ways to keep me on my toes every second of every day.
Boston has always been a rule follower. I knew all my children wouldn't be like that, but I don't think I realized how nice a rule follower can be. In stores he would always stick by me, and if he ever wanted to do something questionable all I had to say was "that's the rule" and he would go along with it.
Maddie is the opposite. Taking her to the store always sounds like a good idea at the time, but then we get there and she's gone. I chase her down, and within 1 minute, she's gone again. A trip to Costco now takes me three times as long. I often find myself leaving Boston to guard the cart while I go running through the store to chase down my fast little girl.
She has also discovered how to stick her hand down her diaper. She especially thinks it's interesting to do it when she has a messy diaper. Between the two of my kids, it seems they are finding new ways to gross me out every single day. Maddie is a tornando, and is constantly into anything she can be in to. Whether it's sticking her hand down her diaper, dumping rice all over the kitchen, smashing macaroni into the carpet, or dumping water on the couches, she's constantly on the go. The sneaky part of it is she always has the most angelic face, and so she just looks too innocent and sweet to cause so much destruction.
Boston has been great. He's such a good kid. Both of them are, but it's so fun watching him develop into a big brother. And he's stepping into that role whether Maddie likes it or not. Sometimes I have to remind him to let me be the mom and he quickly responds "Mom, you just let me be the boy!" I have loved watching them become playmates and friends, and my favorite thing is when Boston teaches Maddie new things. He's so patient and talks her through step by step. It's so cute. Tonight, I put him to bed in underwear. I'm trying to get him out of holding "it" until he has a pull up on. So I got rid of the pull up...until he's asleep that is. My plan is to sneak up long after he's asleep and slip a pull up on him. We'll see how it goes.
After days like the last three days I don't know how in the world I'm going to add a third child in the mix. I don't think I have ever been more nervous about anything in my entire life. But, I know that we'll all adjust, and it will be fine. I will survive, and my kids will survive. Maybe I can get my act together a bit more before this next one gets here so I can keep up...and maybe this next one will be the best baby in the world who sleeps, rarely cries and is just content to be around people he/she loves. :)

We find out April 10th, by the way!!! I was thinking about waiting and having it be a surprise, but Now I know there is no way I could make it. I'm dying that I have to wait a week as it is!!!!