Getting Personal

You know, blogging is a funny thing. For some it's a way to keep friends and family updated on what's going on in their life, and for others it becomes more like a journal page where you can go and just post your thoughts and feelings for the world to see. For many of us it's a combination of both. Updates, and a little personal stuff.
Well I'm about to get very personal and open and honest with everyone who reads this blog (which I suspect isn't very many). If you are uncomfortable with open honesty stop reading now. If you would like to know how I'm feeling and what my thoughts are, please keep reading.
So I have a confession to make. I'm addicted to being lazy, and I'm addicted to unhealthy food, and not in moderation. That's right. I said it. After a long day of work and school when I get home at whatever time I get home at after dinner I love to do absolutely nothing. In the mornings when I actually have a little time to go running, I sleep until 7:15am while Chris gets up and goes running. He doesn't even bother to ask me to come with him anymore because he knows I prefer to get that extra hour of sleep. Then there is my other indulgence...unhealthy food.
I have a weird relationship with food. I know this sounds ridiculous but if I go to a restaurant or even cook dinner at home, I feel guilty leaving anything on my plate. It's hard for me to throw it out. So even if I'm full I keep eating. I have no idea why. Another confession, I am an emotional eater. When I'm bored I eat. When I've had a long or rough day I eat. Now Let me explain, I don't eat like a whole meal, or snack on anything healthy. Oh no. Usually I will have a few bites of ice cream. Which doesn't sound bad, but is after a week you've gone through 3/4 a container of ice cream and for the most part completely by yourself...you've got a problem. I've actually been doing better at that last one. The dinners that I make while very good, are rarely the healthiest things in the world. Now they wouldn't be so bad if I could just have a regular portion size, but it usually ends up being double what it should be.
Weight is something that I've struggled with my entire life, but especially since highschool. Since high school I have gained 65 pounds. 45lbs of that have been since I've been married. It's not something I'm proud of, who would be?
If that's not enough, get ready for another peak inside my own personal world. In January I had a miscarriage. I was 9 weeks a long and it was an experience I would never wish to experience again, and would never wish it upon anybody. It was a very hard experience for me. However from that experience I have been able to put some things into perspective. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant, but the thing that scared me the most was the thought of putting on additional weight. And once I miscarried I felt like I had the opportunity to change a couple things so that the next time around I feel like I'm ready for it. I don't want my weight to have any effect on my pregnancy or my baby (future baby). Not only that but I am so tired of going shopping and having a hard time finding anything that I feel comfortable in. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of avoiding being in pictures because I hate what I look like. I hate that the last thing I want to do this summer is go boating with Chris's family. Not because I don't like boating, but because I am dreading being in a swimsuit in public. Most of all I'm tired of feeling bad about myself. I'm tired of my lack of confidence. I'm tired of not wanting to see people I haven't seen in a while because I'm scared of what they might think. It's getting to the point where it's effecting my daily life and if I don't do something, it will effect my future.
So I've decided to start a blog dedicated to my own personal thoughts and feelings about my quest to lose weight. I plan on writing something each day of how I'm doing. My goal is to lose an average of 5 lbs a month for the next year. I will be putting up my workout plan, any good recipes I can find, and reporting what I did that day. I will also be saying how much I lost at the end of each month. Anybody is welcome to do it with me. No matter if you have 5 lbs to lose or 100lbs, it's always so much nicer when you have somebody their to support you and keep you going on your path so you can reach your goal. If you want to do it with me you can let me know and I will give you the userid and the password to the blog so that you can post how you are doing and your thoughts and feelings through it all.
Honestly one of the biggest reasons I'm doing this is because I want to have kids but I know I need to get this under control before I do anything else. I'm excited to do this, and I'm determined to do it! My weight is not going to hold me back in anything anymore, and I've made the commitment to become healthier, stronger and more active. My start date will be April 24th. I will post the blog site on here in the next couple days. That way, if you want to do it with me you have time to prepare and make a plan. Then we'll all start together on the 24th.
So welcome to my world. I feel like I have let you into my own personal thoughts and my own personal world, which is a scary thing. Good thing I love you all.